


Phantasmagoria

by FurorNocturna



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017)
Genre: Ghosts, Paranormal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-05-27 12:19:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15024461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurorNocturna/pseuds/FurorNocturna
Summary: "This is where the magic happens- not like actual magic, no.We're not practicing the dark arts!"During the month of October, George and Harold find a spirit board and end up summoning a ghost.It goes about as well as you'd expect.





	1. The Box

This is a story (a non-profit fanmade product, mind you) about best friends George Beard and Harold Hutchins. Though you cannot see them in this format, George is the one with the tie and flat top, while Harold is the one with the striped shirt and bad haircut. Remember that now.

Anyways, our story goes a little something like this.

It was your typical Saturday afternoon for the trickster twosome. Making comics in their treehouse, playing outside, and putting off doing homework until Sunday. After all, Saturdays were for having fun and relishing freedom from the soul-crushing establishment of public school.

Later, as the boys were skateboarding around town, George spotted a odd store not too far from the "Everything Except Fabric Softener". A strange little shop titled "That Weird Thrift". Curiosity piqued, George and Harold decided to check it out.

The inside was very weird indeed. Racks of tacky and nifty clothes in one corner, shelves of everything from kitchen appliances to odd knick-knacks in no particular order, another corner for furniture, and a little of everything in between. George and Harold wandered about the store, simply taking all the sights in. Simple browsing eventually turned into a game of 'who can find the weirdest thing'. So far they found duck shoes that quacked each time you took a step, an electric corn on the cob, a stuffed bear with no face, and a tie made out of feathers. It wasn't until they reached the back section that they came across something truly strange.

"Whoa! George, you gotta see this!" Harold exclaimed.

George returned to his best friends side to marvel at hands-down the weirdest thing to be found in the store. It was a cardboard box of all things, but one wrapped in locked chains and surrounded by more signs than Krupp's front yard. They read as follows: "Beware!", "Go Away!", "Do Not Touch!", "Do Not Open!", "That Means YOU!", "Don't Even THINK About It!", "Stay Away!", "Turn Back", "You've Been Warned!" and "You'll Regret It!".

George shared a glance at Harold. "We probably shouldn't touch it."

"Yeah, probably not..." Harold agreed offhandedly.

However, before they could lay a hand on the mysterious box, their path was blocked by a baggy-eyed store worker. "Can you not read the signs?!" the clerk demanded. "Scram! That thing is EVIL!"

"Evil?" Harold questioned.

"That abomination has been the bane of my existence ever since I started working here, and to each employee before me! It's cursed!! A menace!" the clerk declared.

"But it's a _box_." Harold said slowly.

"And if it is so 'evil', then why do you still have it in your store? Why make it visible to customers?" George challenged.

"YOU THINK I _HAVEN'T_ TRIED TO GET RID OF IT!? IT JUST KEEPS COMING BACK!!" the clerk yelled back, looking just a tad crazed in the eyes. "It won't stay on shelves, it finds its way out of the trash can, FIRE WON'T **BURN IT**!! It's a devil spawn!!"

"Randy, are you ranting about that box again?" a new voice chimed in.

"You don't understand, boss- sir!" Randy beseeched. "If only you could've seen-"

"Then let us take it off your hands." George said.

"Alright then. It's yours." said the store owner. "And since it's just a cardboard box, take it free of charge!"

"Cool!" said the boys.

"Blasted, confounded, piece'a JUNK!!" the clerk cursed at the box, but relented and gave it to its new owners after unlocking the chains. "But don't come crying to me when _you're_ subjected to its evil!!"

The boys thanked the two adults and left the store. As it was getting late, they skateboarded home and made their way back to their treehouse. It was there they opened the strange box, where they found an intricately designed spirit board wrapped up in a battered cloth.

"Isn't that used for talking to ghosts?" Harold asked.

"Yeah! We've gotta try this out!" George grinned.

"Doesn't it have to be midnight for it to work though? And won't we need candles?" Harold brought up.  

"Oh right." George said. "We'll have a sleepover in the treehouse tonight and test it out then."

So it was decided. Harold gathered some spare candles from his house while George brought some safety matches. Once they had everything they needed, they set the materials aside for later and passed the time working on their latest Captain Underpants comic.

Little did they know what they were truly getting into...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my world go 'round!


	2. First Contact

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Kyoobot for helping me through the bumps and curves!
> 
> I own nothing except my OC

Three monster movies, eight sodas, seven lit candles and one completed comic book later, and it was officially midnight. As soon as the clock struck twelve on the dot, George unwrapped the board from its bindings and set it between himself and Harold in the center of the candles. They had skimmed over the instructions fifteen minutes prior, positioning everything in its place for optimal results.

“Ready for this?” George whispered excitedly.

“Ready!” Harold replied.

The two placed their hands on the planchette, moving it around as a warm up before starting the session. After a bit, they moved the piece back into the center of the board and began the session.

“Are there any spirits among us here tonight?” George asked dramatically, making Harold stifle a laugh.

A minute or two passed with no response. A few minutes later, still no dice. The boys’ minds had begun to wander, when the planchette began to move, hovering over the word “Hello”.

"…’Hello’?" Harold read aloud. "Okay, very funny, George."

"Dude, that wasn't me! I thought that was you!" George said.

"I didn't do that! I swear, I'm not lying!" Harold cried.

There was a pause as both boys stared at each other in silence, trying to process what was happening.  _This wasn’t real, was it? It was just a game, right?_  they wondered.

"Um, is someone there?" Harold braved to ask.

Slowly, the planchette began to move again. A gasp escaped the two fourth graders as it shifted its way over the calligraphy alphabet letters, spelling out a new message:

 

I…AM…HERE…WITH…YOU…

 

George felt his blood freeze along with the sudden chill in the treehouse. From the surprised yelp, he could deduce Harold felt the same. Both were positive they weren’t moving the planchette themselves. 

"Okay. Is there more than one of you here?" George asked. The reply was instant.

 

ONLY…ME…

 

"George, this is getting freaky!" Harold whispered.

"What was your first clue?" George whispered back.

They jumped as another message was spelled out.

 

SORRY…

 

"Huh?” was George’s intelligent response.

 

I…DID…NOT…MEAN…TO…SCARE…YOU…

 

I…CAN…LEAVE…IF…YOU…WANT…

 

George and Harold thought long and hard before answering. On the one hand, this was really scary, talking to a ghost. On the other hand,  _they were successfully communicating with a_ _r_ _eal ghost_! 

"Hey, um, spirit? You don't have to leave if you don't want to. We were just surprised we actually got this to work." George responded.

 

I…UNDERSTAND…

 

"We didn't disturb you or anything, did we?" Harold asked worriedly.

 

NOT…AT…ALL…

 

DON'T…WORRY…

 

"So...are you here with us and just invisible, or what?" George wondered.

Harold nodded. "Yeah, how come we can't see you?"

HARD...TO...EXPLAIN...

 

THE...BOARD...LETS...YOU...TALK...TO...SPIRITS...

 

BUT...WE...CAN...ONLY...APPEAR...IN...PERSON...IF...SUMMONED...

 

“I guess that makes sense.” George said.

“So uh, spirit? If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your name?” Harold then asked.

The spirit was hesitant moving the planchette this time. Each movement was slow and shaky.

"D-A-E-M-Y-R-A." George read as the planchette slid over the respective letters before testing the word out on his tongue. "Day-my-rah?”

The planchette hovered over the word “No”.

“Day-mir-ah? Is that how you say it?" George tried again.

The planchette lightly jerked over the word "Yes".

"Is that your name? Daemyra?" George asked with more confidence. Both he and Harold beamed when the spirit answered "Yes" again.

"Nice properly meet you, Daemyra!" Harold smiled.

Suddenly the candles were extinguished and the table, the room, and the entire treehouse started shaking. George and Harold continued to hold tightly to the spirit board with great difficulty. Even as smoky vapors began to shoot out from the board, they held their grip. The unnatural fumes then started to swirl, like a mini tornado until finally taking shape.

The storm outside rumbled and flashed thunder and lightning. Suddenly, a transparent female figure emerged from the calamity. She had long flowy black and white hair, with a gaunt complexion that wouldn’t look out of place in a Tim Burton film. She also wore a white scarf, striped tights, black flats, a red dress with white polka dots with black and red striped sleeves and skirt. The most interesting was the crystal pendant around her neck and the black “X” across her chest.

She turned her amber eyes to the shocked twosome and flashed a toothy grin.

~Hello!~ she said with a whispy voice, waving at them eagerly.

George and Harold immediately clung to each other and screamed.

Within moments, lights from their houses flew on, doors thrown open and rushed footsteps of three adults made their way towards the treehouse.

"What's with all the noise? Are you boys okay!?" called Mr. Beard.

"Harold!? George?! What's happened??" called Mrs. Beard.

"I heard screaming!" cried Ms. Hutchins.

George, ever quick on his feet, came up with the perfect excuse. "Sorry, dad, mom...Ms. Hutchins. There was a spider!"

"Yeah!" Harold added, playing along. "A big, hairy spider crawled on my sleeping bag! But it's gone now though! We're sorry for waking you guys up."

"Alright," George's dad said at length.

"Just please don't scream like that again!" Ms. Hutchins implored. "It sounded like you saw a ghost or something!"

Both boys heaved a sigh of relief as their parents went back inside and back to bed. However, there was still the true elephant in the room to contend with, who was currently giving them an arched-browed look.

~So what was the screaming about?~ the ghost teen asked. ~Yes, I'm a ghost, but it shouldn't be _that_ much of a shock! You were using a spirit board, for crying out loud! What were you expecting? The Kool-Aid Man?!~ 

"Well, _duh_ we knew you were a ghost!" George said indignantly.

“Yeah, it's just...you're a  _teen_." Harold finished awkwardly. George nodded in rapid agreement. 

~Yes?~ she said. ~What about it?~

The boys clammed up, not speaking or looking her in the eye anymore.

~That's what you're so scared of?~ Daemyra inquired incredulously. ~The fact I'm a teenager?~

"Teens are jerks." George said simply.

"They're always mad and mean for no reason!" Harold added.

George nodded. "Yeah! What's up with that?!"

~Well _you_ try and stay full of smiles and sunshine when you’ve got rampant hormonal disregulation messing with your head and mood 24/7! Puberty isn't a walk in the park, you know!~ Daemyra quipped. The boys looked at her puzzled. ~You’ll learn when you’re older and experience it firsthand, but that’s besides the point! Sure, teens can be jerks, but we're not _all_ bad!~

George scoffed. “You must be new to Piqua, Ohio then. It's like a requirement that if you're a 6th grader and older, you're mean and cruel."

~I haven’t been “mean” to you yet, have I?~ she pointed out. ~Besides, if I were a real jerk as you say, I wouldn't waste my breath trying to tell you otherwise!~

George and Harold still looked uneasy, which disheartened the specter. Thinking deeply, she looked about her new surroundings for ideas. Daemyra floated over towards one of the drawing-covered walls to inspect it more closely. ~Did you two draw these?~

"I-I did," Harold stammered. "We make comics together. George writes them, I do the artwork."

~These are really cool! They're very creative!~ Daemyra complimented, and against their wishes, the boys blushed at the praise. ~Watch this!~

Daemyra took hold of her crystal pendant and touched it to some of the drawings. The sketches glowed with a pale white outline, and to the boys' surprise, _came to life and leaped off the paper_! They could only gape in awe as their creations interacted with each other, aliens zipping around in their spaceship firing harmless laser beams, Weegie Woman and Bionic Booger Boy engaging in a mini brawl, and Sad Worm being cheered up by a group of dolphins. The last especially made Harold happy.

"Whoa...!" George said.

"That's incredible! You can bring art to life?!"

~I can do a lot of things.~ was Daemyra's cryptic reply. ~Want to see?~

Both boys nodded eagerly. Time was lost to the three as Daemyra proceeded to entertain the two demonstrating her eclectic powers. From general invisibility and intangibility, to levitating everything in the room with her telekinesis, controlling shadows, even shapeshifting herself and other objects into different things (Harold was over the moon when Daemyra took the form of a dolphin and let him ride on her back as she flew about the treehouse). Every performance was met with astoundment and joy.

"That was awesome!!" Harold cried, dismounting from Daemyra's dolphin form. The specter transformed back with a giggle.

~If you ever want to do that again, just ask!~ Daemyra grinned. ~I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun!~

"Yeah, this was really great." George admitted once he caught his breath. "Mind if Harold and I talk alone for a sec?"

~Not at all.~ said Daemyra. As she occupied herself looking at a Captain Underpants comic book, the boys moved to the opposite side of the treehouse for a private discussion.

"George?”

“Yeah, Harold?”

“…We just summoned an actual _ghost_!”

“We totally did!! This is so cool!” George exclaimed in a whisper. "And for a teen, she's actually alright!

"And she likes dolphins!" Harold added.

“Think of all the pranks we could pull off!” said George.

Harold gasped. “You’re right! Think of the possibilities!!”

With barely restrained glee, the twosome approached Daemyra again.

“So Daemyra-” George began.

"We were wondering if, I don't know..." Harold trailed off.

"Would you be interested in helping us with some pranks?" the two finished together.

~Would I?~ Daemyra asked. ~ _I thought you'd never ask!_ ~

At once the room was thrown into chaos. Papers whipping about, furniture sent flying, the floorboards shuddering and other objects sent swirling in mini twisters in the air. To top off the disorder, the shadows came to life and danced among the discord with Daemyra at the center of it all. Then as sudden as it began, everything went back to normal with a wave of her hand.

~It would be my greatest pleasure…to answer your question.~ Daemyra purred with a bow. ~When do we get started!~

George and Harold looked at each other, grinning ear to ear.

This looked like the start of a _beautiful_ partnership.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my world go 'round!


	3. Sunday Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh this chapter was HARD. So sorry to keep you guys waiting for so long, but this was a doozy. I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out, but it'll do for now (any suggestions for improvement are greatly appreciated)
> 
> Aaaaand I may or may not have also been distracted by "Legends of the Three Caballeros" (GOOD SHOW). Hope you enjoy!

Not long after, George and Harold fell asleep. They couldn’t remember when, but they woke up to an ear-piercing shriek not too long after sunrise. Startled, the two instantly shot up from their sleeping bags and went to investigate the source.

What they found was Daemyra snuggling George’s pet cats at the foot of the treehouse.

~KITTIES! Hello there, you little cuties!~ Daemyra cooed, affectionately petting the two felines in her embrace. ~Aren’t you just the cutest in the world! Yes, you are! Yes, you  _are_! Sweet precious babies!~

More awake now, George climbed down the ladder, Harold shortly behind. It then occurred to the boys that what happened last night was no dream, and there was a ghost girl coddling George’s two cats. From the soft purrs, both cats were aptly enjoying the attention.

“Daemyra?” said George, getting her attention.

~G’Morning, guys.~ Daemyra greeted. ~I was just exploring the neighborhood some when I found these two wittle guys wandering in your backyard, George! Aren’t they adorable!?~

“That’s because they live here.” said George.

~These are your kitties?!~ Daemyra squealed. ~What are their names?~

“Uh, Porky and Buckwheat.” George answered awkwardly.

~I love them, and I will protect them. Anyone who harms them will be fed to the shadows. You have my word!~ Daemyra said with worrying seriousness.

“She’s as bad as you are with dolphins.” George said. Harold was about to protest that remark when another thought occurred to him.

“Wait a second, you were wandering the neighborhood?! What if someone saw you!” Harold exclaimed. Daemyra waved her hand.

~People only see me if I want them to.~ she said. ~I’m an agent of chaos, not an idiot.~

“Boys! Breakfast!” called George’s Mom.

At this, the boys made a beeline for George’s house and into the kitchen. Their mouths watered at the wafting smell of freshly made buttermilk pancakes and maple syrup. George and Harold filled up their plates and dug in as soon as they sat down.

“Can we go to the park today?” George asked in between bites.

“If you can show me you finished all the homework you’ve been putting off.” George’s mother replied. “Same goes for you too, Harold. Your mother called me a little while ago.”

The rest of breakfast was finished in silence. After clearing their dishes, the two boys sadly shuffled back to the treehouse. The abrupt change of mood was not lost on Daemyra, who released George’s cats and phased back into the treehouse.

~What’s happened?~ Daemyra asked.

The boys didn’t answer her. They trudged along, dragging their backpacks of the hanger and unloading their books.

“Stupid homework.” Harold mumbled.

~Ahh, I see. School work. I certainly don’t miss having to do that.~ Daemyra commented. ~What’ve you got?~

“Dumb math, dumb science, dumb vocabulary,” George grumbled back.

Harold sighed. "Do you wanna just forget the park today and watch TV?"

“Sure” said George.

So the boys abandoned their school stuff and settled down in front of the treehouse television set. They flicked it on and began watching a monster movie. However, the footage started skipping and cutting off until it dissolved into full blown static.

"Aw, come _on_!" Harold protested.

~Homework's a pain, but I won't enable the two of you to slack off.~ said Daemyra, having reappeared seated on top of the TV. ~Trust me, I made that mistake too many times; it never pays off. I'm doing you both a favor.~

"What gives! Are you telling us you're messing with the signal on purpose?!" George demanded.

~I'm a ghost. It comes with the territory. Some of us just have more control over it than others.~ Daemyra responded coolly. ~Now, off your butts and do that homework.~

Before either boy could protest, the teenaged spirit levitated the two off the ground and repositioned them back at their work spaces in front of their school work. An action that earned her two matching dirty looks. Daemyra rolled her eyes.

~Easy or hard way, boys. And I warn you, you're not the only ones who know how to be creative.~ she cautioned.

"It's just so boring though!" George complained.

"Yeah!" Harold agreed. "It's like our brains don't work unless what we're doing is something fun!"

~Well then, let’s _make_ it fun.~ Daemyra declared. ~Nothing a little ghostly magic can't fix!~

It turns out, George and Harold decided, that ghostly magic was indeed the very thing that their homework routine needed all this time. For their reading passages, Daemyra created moving visuals of the initially dull stories that made it easier to focus and answer the questions. With math, she swapped the generic names and items in the word problems with characters from their comics. Multiplication and division were much more engaging to grasp when it was determining how many baddies Captain Underpants took out at a time than however many apples Steve needed to sort into groups.

Vocabulary was the most fun of all. They never would’ve guessed how useful or cool it’d be to incorporate in their comics had Daemyra not given them the idea to use their comic setting for thinking up example sentences. Seriously, how come they never thought of this before?!

Within two hours, all homework was complete.

~Alright, that concludes my morally obligated good role model moment for this chapter! Let’s go have fun!~ Daemyra proclaimed.

After being cleared by their parents, George and Harold grabbed their skateboards and set off for the park, Daemyra flying after them. The cool, fresh autumn breeze was liberating on their faces. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted from their shoulders.

As they were passing a gas station, the teen noticed the boys had stopped to look at the sign planted near the curb. Curious, she hovered over to take a look herself. There wasn’t anything particularly impressive about it, or anything. It was a plain white sign that read in red letters: “ASK ABOUT OUR SPECIAL OFFERS! GOOD DEALS AND DISCOUNTS! OIL CHANGE OR BRAKE CHECKS WITH GAS PURCHASE!” 

George and Harold wore matching smirks. “Thinking what I’m thinking?”

“You bet I am!” Harold replied.

Daemyra watched with interest as the two began to switch the letters around or remove them completely. She didn’t get what they were snickering about until after they were done, to which she joined in the mirth. The finished product now read: “BUTT CHECKS AND SPECIAL OFFERS WITH POO GAS!”

From a nearby bench, a young boy had witnessed the whole ordeal. He had seen a whole lot of weird things for someone so young, and it always seemed to be something to do with the flat-top boy and his friend with the bad haircut. Heck, this time they had another friend who could fly!

“Mom! There’s a flying girl following those two boys!” said the child.

His mother tsked. “Where do you come up with these things?”

Once the trio got to the park, the three took to the playground. From swings to slides, to tetherball to monkey bars, George and Harold did them all for several hours until their lungs were about to give out. The remainder of their time was spent under the shade of an oak tree, working on another comic. Daemyra mostly watched over the two, but occasionally pitched in to help with George's spelling and or pose for Harold to provide a drawing reference. It seemed as if nothing could ruin their day.

"Well, what do we have here? If it isn't a couple of freeloaders!"

George and Harold froze up. Their fears were confirmed as they turned around and came face to face with one Duncan Baxter and his entourage. They would’ve been happy to say that after Kipper and his gang left Jerome Horowitz Elementary, the bullying problem was gone. However, they noticed that once one head honcho left, another took their place. For a while, they were lucky to shut the new bullies down with some specialized pranks or a few reminders of their infamous Wedgie McGee legend. That was, until Duncan became the new top banana.

“You're overdue on three protection payments, pipsqueaks.” Duncan sneered. "I'm here to collect."

“We don't owe you anything!” George snapped, standing protectively in front of Harold. "Just leave us alone!"

“Or what? Use that flimsy tie on me again? Ooooh, so scary!” Duncan taunted, making George turn red in the face from embarrassment at that past failure. With a snap of his fingers, Duncan's entourage members grabbed the two, as Duncan himself swiped their incomplete comic pages.

"Give those back!" Harold demanded.

"How about a trade? You give me my money, I give back your stupid drawings." Duncan offered. "So what's it gonna be?"

Harold felt himself shiver, noticing an odd drop in temperature that wasn’t out of unease towards the group of bullies. That’s when he remembered Daemyra, who was hovering behind them, glaring at the 6th graders. Her hair was ominously whipping about, a stark contrast to her current stiff posture, and her eyes glowing a lethal crimson.

He watched as she disappeared, only to reappear directly behind Duncan. A rakish smile twisted on her features as she phased into the bully’s body. At once, Duncan was silenced and went immobile.

~“I am a big dumb weenie.”~ Duncan droned out before giving himself a wedgie.

In the blink of an eye, Daemyra possessed the rest of the boys one by one to give them wedgies at their own hands. There was only a second’s reprieve of pain before Daemyra resumed her body swapping brigade, making the bullies insult themselves, insult each other, even attack each other too.

“Call me a 'digbat', do ya?” Johnny reared on Bobby.

“That wasn’t me!!” Bobby insisted. “And you’re the one that called my mama a hamster and said my dad smells like elderberries! I don’t know what that means, but I don’t like it!”

“Did not!” Johnny spot back.

“Both of you shut up!” Duncan yelled. “The real question is which one of you wise guys keeps calling me a weenie!?”

“This is getting freaky! I’m outta here!” cried Johnny, turning tail and bolting away. Bobby followed suit, whimpering with his tail between his legs.

“Where are you dolts going?! We’re not done here!” Duncan shouted at them. Another unwitting punch to the face by his own fist was enough to change his mind.

“This isn’t over!” Duncan vowed.

Daemyra only scoffed as he ran off after his cronies. ~We'll see about that.~

"That was awesome!!" Harold cheered.

~That was only child's play. There will be plenty more where that came from once you introduce me to your school and this "Principal Krupp" I keep hearing so much about.~ Daemyra shrugged, returning the drawings. ~I believe these are yours.~

Harold took them with a grateful smile.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with careful planning into tomorrow's pranks. As the sun began to set, the boys made their way back home. Once the two finished their dinner, Daemyra left them to their own devices for the evening to explore some more. She had something personal to take care of...

In another part of town, Duncan Baxter was heading to bed. As he climbed under the covers, he couldn’t help be think about the odd events that happened at the park. Why couldn’t he remember most of it? And what was that voice he was hearing? _Whatever_ , he thought. _I’ll just cream those two tomorrow morning at school_.

~Found you.~

Duncan darted up, whipping his head about in search of the voice, only to regret ever having the idea once he found it. He froze in horror at the shadowy figure pressed up against his window. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t make a sound, or even move. He could only tremble as the figure passed through the glass like nothing, and snake their way onto his bed in a crooked crawl. Closer and closer, the figure– the _monster_ , crept until he could feel its hissing breath on his neck.

Daemyra tilted her head up slightly, allowing Duncan a partial view of her scarlet irises through the hair curtained in front of her face. She drew a finger to her lips and shushed him tenderly.

~Rest your head, it’s time for bed.~ she whispered. ~The moon is high, so close your eyes. Not another peep...i̶̡̘͌͝ṭ̶͑̔̕'̸̣͕̓͘ş̶̝̭͘  _ **ṫ̸̞͆̐i̴͙̣͋̉m̷̙̯̘̉̈́̆ě̴́̌ͅ ̶͓̱̰̄̎t̸̼͚͍͗̃̈́o̶̬̳̭̽͗ ̷̤̞̿̄͝g̴̮̅̉o̸̹̝̙̊̐͝ ̸̧͕̎̄̏t̶̛͓͑̾o̸̐̄ͅ ̴̣̓S̷̱͆L̵͍̈́͜E̵̢̬͊̃͘É̴̼̽P̸̠̉͛!!~**_

Her voice turned demonic at the end, ending with her mouth unhinging wide open, maw filled to the brim with teeth, and lunging at the poor boy. Before she made contact, she disappeared in a burst of mist. Not that Duncan could tell, as he was too busy screaming at an octave only a few female operatic sopranos could reach.

Outside the house, Daemyra was laughing herself in stitches. She continued to cackle all the way back to George and Harold’s treehouse, occasionally wiping her face for tears. Daemyra heaved a grand sigh once her giggle fit finally subsided, as she then proceeded to check on the boys. Both were sound asleep, and she couldn’t help but coo at how Harold was snuggled up to George on one side with his dolphin plushie in the embrace as well.

Daemyra draped an extra blanket on top of the two and gathered up Porky and Buckwheat before settling into the hammock. With both cats purring, nuzzled up on her lap and chest, Daemyra let herself doze off as well.

Tomorrow was going to be _fun_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed the next chapter will come sooner!


	4. A Short Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say Ch3 was hard? No. No, Ch3 was a doozy. These next few chapters have been AGONIZINGLY difficult. I'm so sorry for the wait, and for this update being so short, but I'm really struggling with the plot flow for this. I have a decent idea for later events, but for these next one or two chapters where it's just the "fun before everything goes wrong", I'm at a complete loss. I'm open to any suggestions or ideas.
> 
> Also, Happy 21st Birthday CU!

Daemyra eyed Jerome Horowitz Elementary with great skepticism.

~You’re sure this isn’t a prison? This looks like a prison.~

“Nah, prisons have better funding.” George replied. “But apart from that, the differences more or less end there.”

~Well then, I guess it’s up to us to ‘liven’ things up a bit, no?~ Daemyra smirked, giving her knuckles a resounding crack.

“Remember the ground rules?” Harold reminded.

~ _Yeeees_.~ she sighed, listing them off one by one on her fingers. ~No pranking the students unless they’re a bully or a Melvin Sneedly, all adults are fair game with the exception of one Edith the Lunchlady, nothing “overly dangerous” like a literal ‘the floor is lava’ game- ~

George whinced. “We really shouldn’t have to tell you why that’s a bad idea.”

~Come oooooon! I’ve been wanting to use that one FOREVER!~ Daemyra all but whined.

Harold rubbed the back of his neck. “And as cool as that sounds, we don’t want to risk anyone getting hurt.”

“Besides, we have to have some logic in place here! No one’s gonna know it’s you doing all this stuff at first! Weird stuff happens in Piqua, but you have to be able to have some feasible explanation for it! Getting a tiger into the school is one thing, but actual lava? That’s pretty far-stretched, even for us.” George added.

~ _Fiiiiiiine_. But I’m still doing the ‘surprise ball pit’ one! You won’t take that one from me!!~ Daemyra asserted before flashing a soft smile. ~Good use of your vocabulary words, by the way!~

George waved off the praise, though his cheeks were lightly flushed.

This kind and touching moment was then abruptly ruined by the arrival of Piqua’s second-biggest buzzkill in all existence.

“Out of my way, you pea-brained plebeians! Superior mind here coming through!” demanded the nasally voice of Melvin Sneedly.

Daemyra’s amber eyes instantly flashed an angry scarlet.

“Geez, Melvin. Who spit in your cereal this morning?” George quipped, annoyed.

Before Melvin could respond with another snippy remark, he made the surprising discovery that his subject binders were floating in the air! George and Harold quickly covered their mouths with their hands in desperate attempts to hide their mirth, but found it increasingly difficult as the binders and textbooks proceeded to swoop down and smack Melvin upside the head.

_Repetitively_.

“Heh heh heh, my new anti-gravity device- OOF!- must be acting up again. OW! Just a minor setback- OUCH!” Melvin attempted to explain.

His bespectacled eyes then widened in horror as the binders and textbooks formed a skein formation and proceeded to nosedive fast his direction. Survival instincts kicked in, and the insufferable know-it-all turned heel and ran away screaming as his school supplies followed him.

George and Harold did the only thing they could think of and laughed hysterically at his expense.

“Nice one!” Harold said. “But why do I get the feeling you were holding back?”

Daemyra scoffed. ~Hardly. Just wait ‘till it comes time to turn in the weekend’s homework. And I’m only just getting started. Do either of you know where his locker is?~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback keeps me going! I adore hearing from all you lovelies!


	5. It Begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sporadic updates ftw!

~Ugh, how is it even more depressing on the inside?~ Daemyra complained with disgust.

Where the outside view of the elementary school was gray and depressing, the inside was just as bland with minimal details that only slightly spiced things up. Details such as concerning posters that read things such as “Don’t Think, Just Obey” and “No Fun Allowed”.

~This kind of propaganda arguably boarders totalitarianism. I’m sorry, but isn’t this _America_!?~ Daemyra demanded. ~This is still a free country, right? I haven’t been dead _that_ long!~

“Now that you mention it, how DID you...uh, y’know?” George ventured to ask.

Daemyra stiffened.

~Jumping straight to the loaded questions now, huh?~ she said with a forced laugh. ~Ask me anything else about the Afterlives, but I'm not telling you that.~

George and Harold both rolled their eyes at her non-answer. " _Laaaaame_."

~It's for your own good. I'd hate to traumatize you after we’ve only just started getting along so well!~ she insisted, becoming increasingly more uncomfortable.

"Not even just a hint?" George pressed.

Daemyra sighed. ~It was _super_ bloody-~ 

No sooner had the words left her mouth, George immediately plugged his ears and began shouting, "NOPE! LALALALALALALA, I'm not listening!"

~That’s what I thought. Now, ix-nay on the topic of how I died, okay?~ Daemyra said sternly, amber eyes glinting with traces of red. ~It’s... not an easy topic for me to talk about.~

Before either boy could get in another word edgewise, the bell rang. George and Harold hastened their way to their first class, the subject completely forgotten by the time they sat down in their seats. Daemyra didn’t follow them immediately (the boys presumed she went to find Melvin’s locker first), but phased through the door not long after class began.

When Ms. Ribble called for the reading and vocabulary homework to be passed to the front, George and Harold both felt a sense of pride they usually only felt after completing a new comic. It was weird, but they actually didn’t hate that they learned something, especially now they know it could be applied to making their comics. It was also worth it for Ms. Ribble’s disbelieving gawking when she noticed they turned it in too.

Unfortunately, Ms. Ribble collected herself and that meant she was still going to teach the lesson for the day in her usual boring way. As her voice droned on, George and Harold tried not to fall asleep.

~Stars above, and I thought Ben Stein had the most boring voice in the world! No, that’s an insult to him, because at least his voice has comedic value! This- This is just _torture_!~ Daemyra protested, the lilt of an Irish brogue becoming more prominent in her tone as her annoyance increased. ~How far have we fallen? What has this world come to? Will the cycle of suffering and incompetence never end!?~

As Daemyra’s rant continued throughout the duration of the class period, the boys’ struggle turned from ‘try not to fall asleep’ to ‘try not to laugh’. Combining both factors of Daemyra dishing out the most savage potshots at the current state of public schooling and roasting Ms. Ribble which only they were able to hear, the difficulty of this task was monumental. Harold had to pretend he suffered a minor coughing fit to keep himself under control when the ghost teen compared Ribble’s hair to “what supposed monstrosity lawn gnomes hid under their hats” at one point down the line.

The moment the bell rang, George and Harold dashed out the door before finally collapsing into the mad guffaws they spent 90 minutes holding back.

"I haven't laughed this hard in a while!" George said breathlessly. "Oh, man! 'If you put half the effort of using an actually effective learning style as you do gargling marbles whenever you speak, you might actually teach something'! That was so good!"

"The 'lawn gnome' bit nearly made me lose it!" Harold wheezed.

~You two really weren't kidding about this place!~ Daemyra said. ~It's an absolute nightmare! I've seen the  worst torments of the Dread Lands and it's so easy to forget how life's awful miseries can be, but what in the world!?~

" _'Dread Lands'_?" the boys asked in confusion.

~One of the Afterlives.~ Daemyra explained. ~It's known by a few other names you're probably more familiar with, but we're trying to keep this fic "kid-friendly".~

The two nodded in acceptance of the answer.

~So what's next on the Schedule of Anguish?~ she asked.

"Math." George replied.

Daemyra joined him and Harold in a collective groan as they began their trek towards Mr. Rected's classroom. Along the way, they saw Melvin entering his combination to his locker. Daemyra gestured for the boys to stand back, her eyes aglow with anticipation. Before George or Harold could say a word, Melvin opened his locker and was met with a small explosion. The annoying know-it-all was sent flying backwards into the opposing line of lockers, they along with him and his school supplies completely splattered in a viscous, dark red substance. The trio dissolved into another laughing fit as Melvin frantically dashed to the restroom to clean up, but was notably more frantic about his school things and being late for class than himself.

"A locker paint bomb!? That was amazing!" George exclaimed.

~Paint? ...Oh, right! Let's go with that!~ Daemyra laughed.

By the time they reached Mr. Rected's class, the boys were able to compose themselves save for a few stray giggles here and there.

As their second class began, they couldn't _wait_ to see what Daemyra would do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a comment!


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